I recently found myself at a social occasion where a married couple was telling stories about a young girl they know who is “a sex addict” and another girl they know that speaks about sex in very explicit terms. They told us a few of these young girls’ stories. I wish I had got up from the table and left. And this couple thought this was amusing. They also encouraged this young person in labelling herself by joking with her about how she is a “sex addict”and encouraging her to talk this way, telling people intimate and shameful stories about who, what and where. And yes, they gave these young women’s names, their ages, and their place of employment, just in case we wanted to put a face to the stories.

I don’t know how a couple can get married, thereby obviously believing that a safe, monogamous relationship is the best way to live, and then encourage young women to behave like that. I also know from having been a young, insecure, woman myself, that although says she doesn’t mind being called names, and tells people that she is “addicted to sex” with multiple partners, trash-talking and acting like she doesn’t care: newsflash, this is a young woman in pain. All people deserve to be loved, respected and protected. Encouraging young people to behave irreseponsibly is unkind and to further tear down their reputations by describing their behavior to others is reprehensible.

Now here is the thing, I don’t want to get on my moral high-horse. when I was in my 20s I used to behave like everyone else, sometimes I acted like I had no self-respect, I used to use foul language and think it was ok to have sex outside of marriage, but here is what I know now: it is not worth it. Sleeping with anyone other than your spouse is a poor imitation of the real thing. Sex is beautiful when it is done inside a marriage. It is like this: say you are craving a pizza… You can’t get the kind of pizza you want so you just get the easiest kind. The base is too thick, the dough is too chewy, there is too much tomato paste and the wrong kind of cheese. It satisfies your craving but also makes you feel a bit sick. You kind of enjoyed it but you really wish you’d just waited till you could get a great pizza. Well, sex outside of marriage is like that. You satisfy a craving but it makes you feel the tiniest bit ill. If you wait for the right man/ woman, you will be so glad that you did. Joyce Meyer says: “wisdom is doing now what you will be grateful for later” and it is true. (BTW listen to Joyce Meyer, good, sound advice in her messages).

Here is my appeal: girls, please. I know that society has told you that it is good, and cool, to behave this way but it isn’t. You are worth more than this! Satan wants you to believe that you can get the right kind of attention and admiration from being a sex object, you don’t and you won’t. You will instead get heartbreak, shame, and the high potential of contracting an STD. Be the woman God made you to be. Be the woman He knows you want to be. He is not going to take away your “fun”. He is going to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). He is going to shelter you; protect you; forgive you; take away your shame; and heal you.

If it is too late for you (you have had sex outside of marriage), then know that there is grace and healing in Jesus. It went wrong for me too but Jesus will lead you to a safe place. He will change your mind so you can see good from evil, and right from wrong. He will show you friendship, loyalty and love like you have not known before and He will make you believe you are worthy of love. When He has put you back together, and given you back the years that the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), He will give you people who treat you with the respect and love worthy of who you are. You are the daughter of a King and He has clean, white, linen robes for you to wear (see Revelation 19:8).

What about joining me in starting the new sexual revolution? Where women are treasured, honoured, protected and loved. Where only a man who treats you like you are precious is worth your time. Don’t believe that you won’t find a boyfriend or a husband unless you are willing to have sex with him.  Really, after all my years of fighting God and His ways and not believing that He would give me the desires of my heart, I have to tell you, He does. He is extremely generous and kind. Try Him.